October 1

So I haven't posted in several days, but this time it isn't out of shame that I haven't been exercising and eating like I should.  okay, okay, so the eating part isn't perfect, but I have been exercising.  And I'm down 10.4 pounds.  And I've maintained that for 5 days.  For me, losing 5-10 pounds is easy, but i usually gain it right back.  Not this time.  I'm tired of losing the same 10 pounds over and over again.  I am a woman on a mission. 

Sept 24

Good workout day today. Got up and did one of my walk aerobic tapes.  Ate healthy today, chicken tortilla soup with black beans for lunch and teryaki chicken with rice and green beans for dinner with sugar free jello for dessert.   Took a mile and a half walk after dinner. Took me 26 minutes.  Not bad I suppose, but not good either.  My goal is to be able to do a 5k in less than 30 minutes, so I need to double my distance and half the time.  So, I wonder how long that'll take me....

Sept 23

I don't know how I managed to go two weeks without posting.  Not a lot has changed in the weight loss world.  I hadn't worked out in a while and not really watched how I was eating while I was sick with yet another sinus infection.  I am finally feeling better again and back on track.

Worked out today for the first time in a couple weeks.  I got up and rode 12 miles today on the stationary bike.  took me less than 31 minutes.  Not bad, not bad at all if I say so myself. 

Ate pretty healthy today too.  Cup of steak n shake chili for lunch and homemade bean burritos for dinner.  Am more determined than ever to get this extra weight off before I go see my folks in Myrtle Beach in a couple of weeks.  12 days to be exact.  I am so excited to go see them.  It's been over a year.

Had a nice weekend.  Got to see Kelly for a while.  Watched a movie with Michael.  Caught up on some housework. the weekend is just never long enough.

Sept 10

Had a great weekend with Michael.  Lovely date night on Friday, went to a wedding and reception on Saturday and drove to Anderson on Sunday and saw the kids, had a nice lunch with Kelly, and Michael fixed her scooter again. 

Have decided to stop weighing in every morning because I'm tired of letting the scale fluctuations determine if it's going to be a good day or a bad day.  I am worth more as a person than a number on a scale.  And while I'm trying very hard to get that number lower and in turn to be a more fit and healthy person, basing my self worth on whether or not I've gained or lost seems rather silly.  It's natural for bodyweight to shift up and down on a daily basis.  So I've decided to only weigh in on Fridays.  So far I made it the weekend without stepping on.  lets see if I can go the whole week without peeking.

Had a productive morning workout.  Cranked the tension on the rowing machine up to 5 and did 10 minutes on it without keeling over and dying.  Planning on taking a walk when I get home with Xandra after work/school and then riding 12 miles tonight.  we'll see if i manage to stick to that too.  Anyway, off to work, post more later.

Labor Day

Being Labor Day and all I'm sure I should take the day off from posting but I've had the last several off.  Besides, I have discovered something wonderful and important...I have found the solution to war and poverty and  inequality...stuff yourself silly with all kind of unhealthy food...What?  Wait? You mean eating like that doesn't solve problems? but, but i've been doing that for years to get through bad stuff.  really? hasn't solved a single problem?  No, I suppose it didn't help after the divorce, just made me fatter and unhealthier and made me like myself less.  No, didn't help me feel better after getting cheated on...just made me think he must have cheated because I was so fat and disgusting.  Didn't help after my grandma died...just made me worry about my own health more as I stayed moorbidly obese. 

Actually, eating junk hasn't really made anything better in the long run.  Guess I go back to the drawingboard on this one.

Aug 26

So yesterday was my cheat day.  And I enjoyed it.  Sort of...  By that I mean I ate some stuff I really felt like I'd been craving.  Way more carb heavy food that I allow myself on non-cheat days.  Way more sweet stuff.  And yet at the end of the day I didn't feel satisfied by it.  I actually felt full and kind of bloated and bleh.  I'm not saying I'm not going to have cheat days.  Heck, we all need permission to have things now and then or we'd go nuts.  just saying I feel better physically when I don't cheat, so I think my next cheat day will be limited to a few special things I just can't live without, in reasonable portions.

Even after my cheat day I'm down 9 pounds since last Sunday.  I know that seems like a lot in a week, but prior to last Sunday's weigh in I had had about a week long cheat day and my legs were really edematous.  So a lot of that is water weight.  Still, 9 pounds is 9 pounds and I'll take it.  Am feeling better overall.  I'm down 45.8 pounds since I first began this weight loss journey and I have about another 70-90 that I'd like to lose.  Slowly but steady though.  If I keep doing what I'm doing I know the weight will come off.

Speaking of doing what I'm doing, today was the best ride on the sationary bike yet.  Set it to program 5, which is one that runs level, then climbs steadily, then drops off and rode 12 miles this am.  Took me 29mins and 18 seconds, beating my previous best by 12 seconds.  I was indeed hot, sweaty and thinking I was going to die, but I pushed through.  The exercise part is still hard for me, but at least I am really getting into a habit of doing it.  I actually feel better on days that I work out.

I was reading another weight loss blog yesterday and I saw something that just summed things up for me rather nicely.  Basically it said any step you take backwards is just another step you have to take forward the next day.  I have enough steps forward to go without going back any.

Aug 25 - Saturday, sweet Saturday

The concert was good last night.  Really enjoyed Poison and Def Leppard.  Was a great evening with the hubby.  The only thing I hate about concerts is it always seems there are people smoking pot and I don't tolerate the second hand pot smoke well.  I always end up feeling really head-achy and yucky. 

Woke up at 7 and my head was still aching so I went back to bed.  Ended up sleeping in til almost 11am. Felt better when I got up the second time. Drove up to Anderson to see Kelly.  Took her out to lunch at Ponderosa.  Found a stray cat in the parking lot...yes, another one.  She took it home and named it Minerva after the teacher in Harry Potter.  It's not like she really needs a cat but I understand why she feels she has to save them.  I'm the same way.  She is definately my daughter.  Spent the money we would have spent on clothing on cat stuff.  Was a nice afternoon with her.  Tomorrow we are taking her the scooter now that Michael has it running well.

Lunch at ponderosa was okay, I hate going to the buffet though because I always eat too much.  is my cheat day though so i'm not going to worry about it.  Michael is making homemade pizza for dinner which is groovy and we are watching Army of Darkness.  Lots of housework t do tomorrow but i am enjoying today as a relaxing day off.

Aug 23 - Free tickets

Def Leppard Concert Aug 2011

Michael won free tickets to go see Def Leppard and Poison tomorrow night.  Pretty cool.  Makes me really happy because we went and saw Def Leppard last year.  We had only been dating for about 6 months when we saw the concert, but I was already crazy about him.  I knew he was something special.  Now for this concert we'll have been married just a little 6 months.  Hard to believe how quickly some things change.   

Foreigner May 2012

I was lucky enough to win us Foreigner tickets earlier this year.  Was a really great show out at Hoosier Park.  I think we both had a really great time. I really love going to concerts with Michael, he makes them so special and fun for me.

Work was hectic and my phone was glitchy but is all good.  Dinner at McAllisters and then a quick workout before I get to cuddle up with my honey and watch a Jason Statham movie.  Life is good.

Quick is right.  Could only do 10 minutes on the rowing machine before I thought I'd die.  Which is better than my last attempt wherein I could only manage 5.  I will get healthy if it kills me.  i am feeling a lot better over all.  my knees don't hurt as much and I find i can just generally do more, like hiking or bike riding.  I really want to be healthy.  and I wouldn't complain if I managed to look smokin hot while I'm 40. lol

Aug 22 - Happy Hump Day!

Today at work was a cluster.  Have felt like that the last several days actually.  I'm not gonna complain though.  I like my job and I like what I do for a living.  I love the people I get to take care of.  All in all I can't complain about the job.  Just very busy and frazzled lately.

Had a good weigh  in this morning and getting ready to go work out now.  The plan is to get a work out in and be cleaned up before Michael gets home so we can go out to dinner.  I love our date nights.  Ate really healthy today so I don't feel bad about enjoying tonight.  Post more later.

Back to status quo

So the morning weigh in has me back down to what I weighed on Aug 15th.  That's a 6.4 pound drop from yesterday, all of which is water weight.  The edema is better this morning but i'm still wearing my ted hose.  just goes to show me that taking my meds, watching my salt intake and exercising regularly is a big must do for me.  I can't slack off because my health won't let me.

Will get in a good workout today when I get home from work. 

Haven't worked out yet.   I made a nice dinner, did the dishes and am finishing the last of the laundry.  It has been a busy but productive day.  I am gearing myself up for the workout which I'm not feeling motivated about at this moment.  I know I'll feel better if I just get up and do it.  I already have my work  out clothes on.  No whining and no excuses.....

I managed 5 minutes at level 3 on the rowing machine.  I don't know why it's so much harder to do that than the bike.  means I really need to do it more often.  So, I think my new plan is too do the rowing machine in the morning and do the bike in the evening from now on.  It's gotta get easier eventually right?

Frustration sets in

So last week was a rough week.  Not sure if it was work or other stressors, but I didn't work out, eat or take my medicine like I am supposed to.  I woke up this morning and weighed in.  Not good.  Gained back 7 pounds in 6 days.  My blood pressure is back up to scary levels and my legs are showing +2 edema.  Really swollen and painful to touch. 

I got up this morning and managed 10 minutes on the bike.  I only did 3.83 miles and was exhausted.  I did take all my medicine and wear my ted hose for the edema.  Ate pretty healthy - peanut butter on whole grain bread for breakfast, bean soup for lunch, piece of string cheese for a snack, rice and teryaki chicken for dinner.  and lots and lots of water. 

Trying to motivate to go workout.  just so frustrated and disgusted with myself.  while I know that a lot of the weight gain is water weight I get very disgusted at not being able to get the weight off and keep it off.  I feel fat and ugly and worthless.  and nothing changes that other than getting up and exercising and eating the way i'm supposed to.  so, I'm off to make myself exercise.  Afterall, no one can do it for me but me.

Back to the Monday grind

Never did the my workout in yesterday evening.  Did laundry and got things ready for work and did dishes and all that jazz.

Got up and worked out this morning.  Got my 20 minutes in; did just over 8 miles. 

Good day at work overall.  Picked up Xandra and came home to make dinner.  Made boneless bbq ribs, mashed potatoes and green beans.  Was very yummy. 

Did some dishes and then back on the bike after it settled.  Got in another 30 minutes.  Did 11.83 miles and 398 calories.

Really not seeing the weight come off like I want, though the scale is slowly creeping down.  The scale never goes down as fast as I'd like.  Trying some new things and if anyone has some advice I'll be glad to hear it.

I am making sure I give 12 hours between my last meal of the day and breakfast.  I don't eat anything after dinner except water and the occassional tums if my acid levels are up.  I make sure I eat something for breakfast.  last article I read said to eat an hour after you get up but I haven't figured how to eat an hour after I get up and still wait 12 hours between dinner and breakfast.  I have been doing the cardio 6 days a week.  getting ready to start weight training this week.  I would like to believe I am doing all the right things...Any advice would be helpful....

Camping survived ;^)

Got up Saturday morning and did a little over 11 miles on the bike and burned a little less than 400 calories.  Headed to the store and bought some groceries for our trip.  Packed up and headed to Brown County with Michael and Xandra.  Nice lunch at the Nashville house and then some shopping (got Xandra a leather bookmark, which is currently marking her place in The Hobbit).  Then into the park to make camp.  Got camp set up, relaxed for a bit and then a hike down one of the moderate trails to Lake Ogle and back.  dinner and a little nap then we were up late watching shooting stars. 

Packed up camp this morning and made the drive home.  Relaxing afternoon at home though I still plan on working out tonight.  Got some cleaning to do so I'll right more tomorrow.  Hoping my weigh in is good in the morning.

So close and yet....

Had an okay day at work today, crazy busy again but at least census is back up so I won't be getting my hours cut so often.  picked up Xandra from school and made her some dinner.  Michael came home and I started dinner for us while he went out to mow.  I came up and did 30 minutes on the stationary bike.  I really wanted to break the 12 mile and 400 calorie mark tonight.  Came close.  Did 11.9 miles and burned 399 calories.  If only I'd have had 2 or 3 more seconds on the timer.  I still pedaled for another 2 or 3 minutes to cool down, but I really wanted to hit that mark tonight.  I suppose there is always next time.

Dishwasher is loaded after a yummy dinner of fajitas (spicy though) and laundry is running.  Really looking forward to spending the weekend camping with Michael and Xandra.  The meteor shower should be amazing.  Hope everyone else has a great weekend too.

Something new

Crazy busy day at work.  Left there and headed straight to a job interview for a home health care agency.  Might be a good part time or prn job.  I had checked into it while Michael was out of work and figured it wouldn't hurt to interview.  should hear something back from them by Friday.

Didn't work out this morning after the workout last night.  Brought cottage cheese for breakfast and didn't eat more than a bite or two.  Bean soup for lunch.  Made a hamburger steak, baked potato and green beans for dinner.  thinking about a fudge pop for dessert and then gonna work out after my stomach settles.

The scale is still going down, slowly but surely.

I did work out tonight, but passed on the fudge pop.  was a good work out.  I rode 11.69 on the bike and burned almost 400 calories.  Just need to keep this momentum up.  Think I found some unexpected motivation.  Not sure I'm happy about it though.

Happy hump day

Yesterday was a rough day at work. It happens sometimes. Plus I was oncall.  Got a call at 10;30, just after I'd gone to sleep.  Then another at midnight, just after i'd fallen back asleep.  Up at 4 to workout? I think not.  Reset the alarm for 5 and skipped it. 

GTot off work early today due to low census and ran to grocery store,  was starving on the way home but didn't stop for fast food, came home and ate a healthy lunch.  now I think I'm going to take a 20 minute nap and work out when I wake up.  lets see how that one goes.

I did get up and work out after dinner.  I ate pretty healthy (olive oil and garlic pasta with basil chicken) and got in 30 minutes on the bike.  I made it 11.63 miles and burned almost 400 calories.  I thought I was going to die, but I did it.

Back in the saddle again

After I had my tooth pulled last Tuesday I stopped working out for a few days.  My jaw hurt too bad if i wasn't taking the stronger pain medicine and if i took it I was too sleepy.  So we start over again. 

Saturday we went to the fair and walked around everywhere.  Didn't eat bad at the fair, nothing deep fried at all.  Was a pretty nice day.  I started back on the bike yesterday morning and had a pretty good ride.  Got up and did it today too, despite dreaming about turning the alarm off and going back to sleep.  Today was a really good ride.  I actually broke the 8 mile barrier.  I rode just a hair over 8 miles in 20 minutes.

Didn't eat bad yesterday either.  The scale is coming down slowly but surely, just need to keep it moving that direction.  I'm tired of losing the same 10 pounds over and over again.  thanks for the support and encouragement.

Lazy Day

No work out this am.  Went to work and ended up leaving at 10am due to a low census.  Came home and took my good pain meds.  Chilling out now.  Feel kind of like a bum.  Jaw is still hurting though, so maybe better to take it easy.  On the plus side I can't eat much so my weight is down a little.

Dental work

Had a really good work out this morning on the stationary bike.  Did 7.9 miles in 20 minutes.  Big improvement from when I started and could barely do 5.  Figured I'd better get a good one in since I'm going in to have some dental work done today.  Am scared to death of the dentist but have to do what I have to do.  Just not sure how hard I'll be able to work out tomorrow am, if at all.  So wish me good luck and send a happy thought or two my way.

Starting over, yet again

So, just like so many times before I am working on getting healthy.  I know what to do.  Knowing is the easy part.  It's the doing that's hard.

This morning it was a 20 minute workout on the bike.  I did good.  I rode the equivalant of over 7 miles and burned 200 cals before work.  Have been drinking plenty of water and am watching my calories.  I'm not perfect at this and I will likely fall off the wagon a lot, but at least I'm working on it. 

I've kept about 30 lbs off for the last 2 years, now it's time to make the scale creep down again.  Thank you for the support from my friends and family and from the love and encouragement of my husband.

Walked around the neighborhood with Xandra after dinner.  I really wasn't feeling it but made myself go.  Was probably a good idea because I was so tired after work.  I had come home and taken a 30 minute nap.  Made spaghetti and sauce with fresh bread, it was good.  Probably ate too much today but getting my eating back under control is slow going. I will get there though.  Change doesn't happen in a day...

Don't know what to do

I guess today I'm feeling really guilty that I'm so happy and things in my life are going so well. I suppose I feel like I've been selfish and this is my punishment. I had dinner with Mark tonight. He's living with his buddy Jessie and selling plasma to pay his share of the rent. No laundry detergent, no toothpaste, almost out of food. I took him and Kelly to Buffalo Wild Wings and then out to buy some groceries. I feel terrible. I know I've taught him better, I know I've tried to inspire him to strive for more, but I suppose you can lead a horse to water but can't make it drink. I'm just not sure what else I can do right now. I want to help him find a job, I want to make sure he is living some place clean and safe. in reality all I can do for him is pray...

02/21/2012 - We got married!!!

Okay, so we were going to get married Thursday after work. It would have been a year that we had officially been dating. But I had today off because the census was low sooooooo, we went up to the courthouse and just got married. It was just Michael and I, no kids, no family, no friends. Somehow that was exactly perfect.

Had a great lunch at the Old Spaghetti Factory, some quiet time at home, and then picked Xandra up at school and dinner at Acapulco Joe's. Not so great on my healthy eating, though we split lunch and I took part of dinner home. I did do 25 minutes on the exercise bike, and I worked out last night too.

My first goal this year is to be under 200 pounds by the end of March. I started the year out at 228.4 pounds. As of this morning I am halfway there. I'm not sure whether I can make it or not, but really going to try. I want to be the healthiest me I can be so I can have a long life with Michael and our kids.

Faster than the speed of light

The last week has been a whirlwind. Trying to keep up with everything and still catch my breath. I am so happy and excited that Michael and I are getting married. It's something I never expected to do again, but I'm glad it's happening. We've both been married before so it isn't about the wedding, and it's not that I'm in love with being in love. In Michael I really have found a partner. We are so in sync.

So the wedding is going to happen Thursday, which is one year to the day since we began dating. We had emailed each other, text and chatted and even met for coffee and a few dates, before he asked me to be his girlfriend. The dating process was kind of quick, but so effortless. I'd never met someone I just clicked with on so many different levels.

All this happiness and activity really has me back on my diet and exercise schedule. I need it to keep me balanced and healthy. I managed to lose and keep off 40 pounds last year (I lost and gained more, but have kept a solid 40 off) and am down 10 pounds so far this year, putting me 17 pounds from my first goal by March 31. Can use all the help and encouragement I can get on this. Did 25 minutes on the bike yesterday, and 20 this morning before work and planning on another 30 when I get home tonight. Very lucky to be with someone who loves me despite my weight and only encourages me to be healthy.

Went and got our wedding rings today before I went to work. I think our rings are beautiful and unique. Am so very excited. Neither are very traditional and that's okay.

Am working hard on my diet. Have lost 10 pounds so far this year, but still have a long way to go.

Am tired and heading up to sleep. Will finish this post tomorrow.

Funny how death makes you think about being alive...

Today is the one year anniversary of my first date with Michael. We'd been exchanging emails for a while and actually had met twice prior to our first date. I knew from the beginning he was special. And no, not that kind of "special". We just clicked on so many levels. The more I know him the more I want to know. The more time I spend with him the more time I want to spend with him.

We went to a funeral this week for his grandfather. We spent a lot of time with his family and talking about family and about how short life is. It's funny how that topic comes up so often following a funeral.

Michael had proposed in early December and we decided today that there isn't really any point to waiting any longer to get married. I'm not sure exactly when it's going to happen, but definately sometime soon.

I don't have the words to describe how happy I am at this moment. I hope my friends will be happy for me as well.

This just means for me I really need to work harder to get myself healthy. I lost 40 pounds last year but a lot more to go. Would love some support from my friends....