Don't know what to do

I guess today I'm feeling really guilty that I'm so happy and things in my life are going so well. I suppose I feel like I've been selfish and this is my punishment. I had dinner with Mark tonight. He's living with his buddy Jessie and selling plasma to pay his share of the rent. No laundry detergent, no toothpaste, almost out of food. I took him and Kelly to Buffalo Wild Wings and then out to buy some groceries. I feel terrible. I know I've taught him better, I know I've tried to inspire him to strive for more, but I suppose you can lead a horse to water but can't make it drink. I'm just not sure what else I can do right now. I want to help him find a job, I want to make sure he is living some place clean and safe. in reality all I can do for him is pray...

02/21/2012 - We got married!!!

Okay, so we were going to get married Thursday after work. It would have been a year that we had officially been dating. But I had today off because the census was low sooooooo, we went up to the courthouse and just got married. It was just Michael and I, no kids, no family, no friends. Somehow that was exactly perfect.

Had a great lunch at the Old Spaghetti Factory, some quiet time at home, and then picked Xandra up at school and dinner at Acapulco Joe's. Not so great on my healthy eating, though we split lunch and I took part of dinner home. I did do 25 minutes on the exercise bike, and I worked out last night too.

My first goal this year is to be under 200 pounds by the end of March. I started the year out at 228.4 pounds. As of this morning I am halfway there. I'm not sure whether I can make it or not, but really going to try. I want to be the healthiest me I can be so I can have a long life with Michael and our kids.

Faster than the speed of light

The last week has been a whirlwind. Trying to keep up with everything and still catch my breath. I am so happy and excited that Michael and I are getting married. It's something I never expected to do again, but I'm glad it's happening. We've both been married before so it isn't about the wedding, and it's not that I'm in love with being in love. In Michael I really have found a partner. We are so in sync.

So the wedding is going to happen Thursday, which is one year to the day since we began dating. We had emailed each other, text and chatted and even met for coffee and a few dates, before he asked me to be his girlfriend. The dating process was kind of quick, but so effortless. I'd never met someone I just clicked with on so many different levels.

All this happiness and activity really has me back on my diet and exercise schedule. I need it to keep me balanced and healthy. I managed to lose and keep off 40 pounds last year (I lost and gained more, but have kept a solid 40 off) and am down 10 pounds so far this year, putting me 17 pounds from my first goal by March 31. Can use all the help and encouragement I can get on this. Did 25 minutes on the bike yesterday, and 20 this morning before work and planning on another 30 when I get home tonight. Very lucky to be with someone who loves me despite my weight and only encourages me to be healthy.

Went and got our wedding rings today before I went to work. I think our rings are beautiful and unique. Am so very excited. Neither are very traditional and that's okay.

Am working hard on my diet. Have lost 10 pounds so far this year, but still have a long way to go.

Am tired and heading up to sleep. Will finish this post tomorrow.

Funny how death makes you think about being alive...

Today is the one year anniversary of my first date with Michael. We'd been exchanging emails for a while and actually had met twice prior to our first date. I knew from the beginning he was special. And no, not that kind of "special". We just clicked on so many levels. The more I know him the more I want to know. The more time I spend with him the more time I want to spend with him.

We went to a funeral this week for his grandfather. We spent a lot of time with his family and talking about family and about how short life is. It's funny how that topic comes up so often following a funeral.

Michael had proposed in early December and we decided today that there isn't really any point to waiting any longer to get married. I'm not sure exactly when it's going to happen, but definately sometime soon.

I don't have the words to describe how happy I am at this moment. I hope my friends will be happy for me as well.

This just means for me I really need to work harder to get myself healthy. I lost 40 pounds last year but a lot more to go. Would love some support from my friends....